XKCD.com




Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives, sales people, accountants and especially liberal arts majors." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two well known postulates:


Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time.
Since: Knowledge = Power,
then Knowledge = Work / Time,
and Time = Money,
then Knowledge = Work / Money.
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.


Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.



 




What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?


Mechanical Engineers design weapons, Civil Engineers design targets








Engineers aren't boring people; we just get excited over boring things.









The optimist says the glass is half full, the pessimist says the glass is half-empty and the engineer says you used too much glass.
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You might be an engineer if ...

... the salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
... you have saved every power cord from all your discarded appliances.
... you see a good design and still have to change it.
... you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
... your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
... you are convinced you can build a phaser from a garage door opener, a laser pointer, and a camera flash attachment.
... you own a calculator with no equals key and know what RPN stands for.
... you think that when people around you yawn it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
... your young son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
... you thought the contraption ET used to phone home was stupid.

 




A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"  The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"  The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi George.  Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"  The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.  The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."  The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"



The Lost Balloonist

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground near 81.89 degrees N. latitude, and 26.58 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
 
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the engineer, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going.  You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."


If God were an Engineer…

 

A group of engineering students sitting around, having a couple of beers, began to discuss the nature of God. They human body, they all agreed, is such a marvel of design that God, obviously, is an engineer. And then they came to contention. What sort of engineer is God?

 

One student proposed that god is a mechanical engineer, as evidenced by the great machine that is the human body. He exposited: the length of the bones, the attachments of ligaments and tendons, the strength of the muscles.

 

A chemical engineering student adamantly pointed out the functional interactions of the glands and organs, the digestive, pulmonary, and cardio-vascular systems. God clearly is a master of chemical engineering.

 

Another described the incredibility of the human nervous system and the workings of the brain. God surely must be an electronics engineer.

 

They discussed the merits of these arguments at great length. Finally one stood and exclaimed, “God is a civil engineer!” A great clamor arose among the other students. They demanded to know how he could reach such a conclusion. “Well he must be a civil engineer. Who else would run the waste piping through a great recreational area?”